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Category: Parenting (page 2 of 14)

First Week of School 2016-2017

Boyos

Here we are having finished the first week of school for the 2016-2017 school year. We have successfully navigated the beginning of middle school for our oldest son. We have survived our second son starting fifth grade and our youngest growing up into first grade. It has been quite the first week of school. There have been no major mishaps, but there has certainly been humor and growth along the way already.

We started the year, before it even started, in email communication with the principal asking for our 5th grader to be moved to another classroom. We were denied our request. We went into the year with trepidation over how this year is going to go for him. At the close of the first week, he is confident he will be ok in the class. There is much more to this story, but suffice it to say we are keeping an eye on the teachers and the school experience for him.

Our first grader seems to have had a first week without a hitch at all. He has a great teacher who is on maternity leave for the first month or so and his sub is fantastic. She has subbed at the school for years and she recognized Jagger at meet the teacher and it is going to be a good year.

Our 6th grader is the one we were most nervous about. Mainly because there is such a dramatic transition to 6th grade. He is the source of the most humorous moment of the week. Due to a scheduling mix up he ended up attending the wrong class at least one day, maybe more and was totally unaware of the experience! If Ronda hadn’t been checking his planner, no one would have been any wiser to this.

This week we also had several experiences which I would classify as significant progress in the development of these men we call our boys.

The first is brought to you by our 6th grader. He plays goal keeper on his premier level club team. Last year, US Youth Soccer changed the way they divided youth on teams. This is significant because it means he went from playing U11, 9v9 on a 75 yard field with a smaller goal to 11v11 on a full size field with a full size goal. He has a large learning curve ahead of him currently. This dramatically changes the nature of game for his age group. He asked if he could try out for the soccer team at his middle school. We said yes. He went to the first day of tryouts and had a really good showing – he was asked to come for the second day of tryouts. He made the cut, so to speak. That night, he approached my wife and I and asked if it was ok with us if he didn’t continue going to tryouts because he didn’t want to play for the school. We asked him why, and he said ‘I think with everything I have going on right now, I might be putting too much on my plate. I have a lot to learn for my premier team, I am still playing on an indoor soccer team too and on top of all of it, I’m in all honors classes this year. I think I already have a lot of work for me to do and adding this might be too much.’ We were like, whatever you wanna do, son. I was proud of him (I am proud of him no matter what, honestly. Or should I say I delight in him?) for having a moment of clarity and lucidity to realize he may not be able to do it all. If I have learned anything about myself, I have learned I am a visionary. I have big ideas and grand plans and significantly overestimate what I have the bandwidth to accomplish. This week, an 11 year old was able to do something I usually can’t – know his limitations. This was a moment that made me feel as though I had done something right as a parent. Or more realistically, my wife had done something right and he has just witnessed me get in over my head many times and decided he didn’t want to be like dear old dad. Either way, I am placing this experience firmly in the ‘parent win’ category.

The second is brought to you by our 5th grader. On Saturday, his soccer team had their first scrimmage. Kick off was at around 1pm. If you don’t frequent Florida in the summer at 1pm, you may not know it is hot as balls or hell… whichever you determine to be worse. It was wicked hot. His team managed to get scheduled to play an older, more established team (my son’s team has a new coach and many new players whom this was their first on-field experience together). Our team lost, but my son played with a headache and low blood sugar the whole game. He played hard and he played good. He was subbed out for a short time and was put back in and finished the game. This was very frustrating for me, because I know he can play better soccer than what he did at that game. But he finished the game. He was in tears at the end of the game partially because he felt as though he could have done better and because his head hurt him so much. I am proud (Or should I say, I delight in it?) of his determination commitment and strength of character to finish the game, even though the easier road was to give up. His character stood strong.

As we move to my youngest son and I am reminded he has a constant spirit of joy. He is the happiest little boy I have ever met. From the moment he was born, he has brought joy to our family. He is happy and enjoys his life. I am proud (Or I delight) in the way he brightens up the room and brings happiness and joy to our family. He has hit this first week of school in stride and has had fun during it. He is growing so fast, yet he still takes time to snuggle and cuddle with his mother and I. He takes time to bring us some of the joy he feels each day.

All in all, this has been a good first week of school. The boys have been fantastic. Each day I am reminded of the blessing it is to be a father. I hope each week is as good as this first week.

Faith or is it Hope?

cropped-grace-family.jpgHebrews 11:1 says that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. This verse begins what has been called the ‘faith hall of fame’ in chapter 11 of Hebrews. Often, as I read the Bible I am thankful it was written long before my feeble attempt at being a Christ-follower ever occurred… because I am not certain any action of my life would warrant being recorded in such a book. Except, maybe as the ‘don’t do it this way’ kind of story. In a situation like that, it is better to not be remembered than to be remembered as the idiot who didn’t do it right. I imagine that is how Peter feels that Matthew and Mark recored in their Gospels that he drew his sword and cut a dude’s ear off when they came to arrest Jesus. (Ok, we don’t know definitively that is was Peter… but it seems reasonable.)

One of the words that sticks out in this verse is ‘hope.’ This word is tied to a concept that is difficult for me to grasp and understand. I say this because hope implies a change is possible. A change of significant value. A change that is worthy of the hope we have placed in the change. My hope often falters because I place my hope in things that falter.

In myself.

I expect that I am capable of being the hope that I hope for. I expect that I am the one who is able to make the change, to make the adjustments, to fix the broken that is my soul. This is simply not true. More than that, it is arrogant to think that I am powerful enough, dare I say sufficient enough, to make the changes needed in love my life. As I reflect on that, it occurs to me that if I was able to make the changes to my broken soul that need to be changed God would not have had to sacrifice his son to cover my multitude of sins. I would need no savior, because I would be my soon savior.

This perspective is fine and dandy, if one does not believe in the saving power of the death of Christ on the cross. However, if one takes an honest look at the idea of humans being capable of the kind of good in actually takes to save one’s soul from damnation you would wonder why things had gotten so out of hand in the first place. If humans are capable to save themselves and do not need the saving grace of God who loves them, then why is the world full of such shit? Please excuse the language, but this is reality. How did things get such out of hand if we can do it ourselves? The answer here is, we can’t. We need something outside of ourselves to save ourselves from ourselves.

Enter the dragon… or maybe just Jesus, riding a dragon. Leese_CRU-T-shirt_09jesus dino

No seriously, just Jesus. He is the one who can save us. He is the one who gives us hope. This morning as I am grasping for hope and realizing my brokenness, I will cling to a savior who can actually save me and not my feeble attempts at being my own savior. I will hope in something bigger than me.

Where are you finding your hope?

The adventure continues…


Gave the website a refresh yesterday. New theme. New identity. New focus. 

Last week we were on family vacation and we had the opportunity to go to the mountains of north Georgia. It was fantastic. Adventure was waiting at every turn. The boys had a great time. Although, the trip wasn’t without one day where the boys were ‘bored’ and ready to leave. We powered through and that actually turned out to be one of the best days of the trip. 

As I drove back to reality Friday and then back the grind of normal everyday life, I thought back on the adventures we had, the excitement we experienced. As I mused, the thought that everyday is an adventure came to me. As a father, everyday is the greatest adventure I will have. Times like this vacation are tons of fun, but they aren’t the normal. As a father, each day is an opportunity to live a full life teaching and guiding my boys into new experiences. Forging them into men. Giving them guidance and direction to mold them into the kind of dudes who are trustworthy, reliable, integritous, compassionate and disciplined. The kind of men who treat their wives and children with respect and dignity some day. The kind of men who after God’s own heart, like King David.

The adventure starts each morning when I wake up. Some adventures will be safe and easy to navigate: eat your vegetables, share your toys. Some adventures will be dangerous: stay away from pornography, don’t lie. And some adventures will be downright reckless: stay away from the 150′ cliff, today you are getting married. 

Being a dad is always an adventure (especially when you have 3 boys). It’s not always a safe adventure… sometimes as a dad you throw caution to the wind and are reckless. 

Gentle Peacemakers

  
I sit down this morning with one of my favorite passages of scripture: the Sermon on the Mount. These 3 chapters in the Gospel of Matthew have been the basis for many hours of personal bible study for me. Two of the verse pictured are some of the hardest for me to swallow: Blessed are the gentle… & Blessed are the peacemakers… I find these verses difficult because I don’t think I’m either. 
Honestly, I find myself relating more to Colt’s peacemaker than to that of a maker of peace. I struggle with being a peace maker for a couple reasons. Peace isn’t just absence of conflict, it’s the presence of calmness. I certainly don’t being calm to most situations, but do bring my share of conflict. I’m cantankerous, quick tempered, I have a fast tongue & I have to be right. All qualities the scriptures urge Christ followers to NOT be. I have decided to I want to make a goal of my to be more of a peacemaker in my interactions with others… especially my family. A few weeks ago at church, we discussed how as parents we shouldn’t exasperate our children… even if they do so to us. I’m trying to me less argumentative. It doesn’t always come out that way. 

And gentle… which I know being gentle or meek means have overwhelming power that you keep restrained. I’d much rather display said power, in order to control. Which is problematic. 

These are shortcomings I’ve noticed in my life. Shortcomings, that bother me. Shortcomings, I want to change. Each day, I try and I have success as well as failure. But each day, I will continue to fight the good fight to become a better husband, a better dad, a man who is more like what Jesus has called me to be. 

What about you?

Mentors

Mentor defineA big brother. A father. An uncle. A grandfather. A best friend’s father. A youth leader from church.

Every person, but young men especially, need an older man to pour into their lives. We need someone to help us learn how to be a man. In our society, we put a lot of pressure on young women but there is also a lot of pressure put on young boys to become manly men. There are certain things that men must know. Things it is expected as a man we are aware of. There are also expectations for men which will dramatically change the world all of the men on the planet would get it right. Once these boys develop into men and then as they take on the roles of husband and father, the expectations only get higher.

How do boys learn to be men? How to boys learn the critical ‘man-stuff’ they need to know? The same way any of us learn anything – someone teaches us.

We need someone who will teach us how to treat women. Women are to be treated with dignity and respect, not as objects for our use and abuse. Boys and young men need someone to teach them the proper way to speak to a woman. The proper way to treat a young woman. I am not necessarily a supporter of the whole idea of courting, but certainly something has been lost in the way our youth and young adults are approaching dating. It has lost the special-ness and wonder it once had. It is now a commonplace, ordinary thing and not something that is special. We have lost to excitement and mystery of entering into a relationship with the opposite sex. There are a myriad of societal issues that could likely be traced back to this… that is a discussion for another time! As boys we need someone to teach us how to treat girls and ultimately women.

We need someone to teach us the mystery, wonder and exhilaration that is fire. This is essential to being a man. Other men will immediately gauge the usefulness of a man based on whether he can build a fire. Whether you use raw elements, a flint stone, lighter fluid or straight gasoline a man must be able to make a fire. This ties into a man’s overall outdoorsyness. Men are supposed to skilled outdoorsmen, too. How good of an outdoorsman can you be if you can’t start a fire.

We need someone to teach us how to properly grill meat. Any meat. Dead animal cooked over open flames is quintessential manhood. Without this ability, is a man really a man? Grilling is more than utilitarian preparation of food, it is an art form. It is something special.  Magic happens when meat is grilled.

We need someone to teach us sports. Almost without exception, it is not possible for a group of men to arrive at a park, field, friend’s house or church without some sports equipment. It could be as simple as a football, soccer ball, Frisbee or a baseball and glove. It would seem as though men are hardwired to play sports. In a group of dudes, even the ones that aren’t ‘athletic’ will find themselves getting drawn into the exhibition off sports. While we seem to be inherently keyed into sports, we still must have someone take the time and interest to cultivate the athlete inside of each of us.

Who teaches us these critical life lessons? It is often our father. Sometimes it is an older brother. It can be an uncle. Maybe a grandfather. Maybe it is your friend’s father. Or it could be a youth leader from church. Or maybe it is all of the above. As boys and young men we need someone to teach us important skills and lessons we need in life. We need someone to mentor us.

We all do. We all need someone to pour into our lives and help us to grow. It doesn’t have to be a perfect mentor. It just needs to be someone who cares about us enough to walk through life with us for a season. Mentors change. Seasons and times of our lives change and what we need out of mentors change. But, no matter the season of life we are in we need mentors.

Who has been a mentor to you? What have they taught you? Who have you been able to mentor?

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