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Category: Psychodynamic




victimology |ˌviktəˈmäləjē|
the possession of an outlook, arising from real or imagined victimization, that seems to glorify and indulge the state of being a victim.
I want to share with you a mindset or approach to life that has crippled me more than anything else other than being a sinful, fallen human being.
Being a victim. I should clarify, I don’t mean I have been crippled by an actual victimization that has occurred. That is different than this. Some of us have experience trauma and abuse and are victims of tragedy. I mean another kind of victim.
I mean the kind of victim that can best be described as passivity. This kind of victim revels in being a victim. This kind of victim using their victim-ness as an excuse to not move forward. This kind of victim is crippled and unable, dare I say unwilling, to make any changes or adjustments to their live in order to grow and move on from whatever circumstance they find themselves in.
This kind of victim is passive. They allow life to happen around them, to them… without taking any stand or trying to effect or impact what is going on around them. This kind of victim assumes they aren’t able to change anything so they don’t try. They passively watch as life passes them by, thinking to themselves how unfair it is that everyone else has everything they want and how good stuff happens to everyone else but me, I’m stuck here in the mud with crap just happening to me.
I am a Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern (fancy way to say Licensed Mental Health Counselor in training) and have suffered my share of mental health related difficulties. I am aware of the intricacies of mental health struggles and how difficult it can be to take responsibility and action in our lives. I know how easy it can be to allow life to happen without trying to engage and impact the direction of life. Please understand that when I say, we can’t afford to passively approach our lives.
I only took seven years to complete my Master’s degree, which gave me plenty of time to think through and mull over how I approach mental health. I have realized a couple things about how I approach mental health issues. First, we all have a backstory. Each one of us has a history that helps to explain who we are and where we have come from. For many of us, in that backstory are clues to why we are using the particular coping strategy to manage life. Oftentimes, we don’t even realize our coping strategies are maladaptive or unhealthy… they are the only ones we know.
Secondly, in that backstory is the root issue we must face and overcome if we are to move on with our lives. For each of us this is different. It may be trauma or abuse. It may be our perception of experiences we had growing up. It may be unresolved guilt or anger. Whatever the root issue is, it will eventually have to be overcome.
Thirdly, I know we are responsible for our actions, thoughts and behaviors. We have to be. We aren’t machines or robots. There are at times circumstances making it more difficult for us to act, think or behave in certain ways… but that doesn’t give us a pass to sit back and stop acting, thinking or behaving in rational healthy ways. If we want things to be different in our lives, we are the catalyst to make that happen.
We can no longer accept passivity and victimology. Can’t continue to live life from the sidelines expecting for it to somehow get better or be different if we aren’t willing to get in the game and make an effort to make it different and better. You are responsible for the way you approach life. You are responsible for your victim mindset.
And so am I.
I have come to understand when we approach life and mental health circumstances we have to uncover the root issue in life causing us problems. We have to learn better ways to cope or manage our behaviors. We have to restructure the way we think each day. We have to adjust our behavior patterns to healthier ones, to ones utilizing healthy coping strategies to combat life. We have to take responsibility for ourselves, our actions and the place in life we find ourselves.
I am no longer content playing a passive role in my life, allowing someone else other than me or God to have the spotlight in my life. Are you? Are you ready to actively engage in your life? Let’s and together and overcome passivity and victimology.

Why do we Act the way we do?

I have been fascinated with human behavior and the reasoning for why they act and behave the way they do. This has been helpful to me a range of work environments. I use it regularly to make assessments regarding people and their motives. This is acutely helpful as a counselor, being able to understand people’s motives based on their background or history. Trying to understand them or get inside their heads to see things from their perspective.

This aspect of humanity, the why for our actions, really intrigues me. I mean it really intrigues me. I find myself constantly asking myself questions, trying to understand why they act the way they do.


What happened in their history, motivating them to act in a specific way. The trick is, sometimes these motives are hidden inside us and we don’t even recognize them for what they are – motivations.

There is a mother of some kids at my boys’ school I see sometimes when I go and pick the boys up from school. She is always yelling and putting her kids down. She always has a scowl on her face. Every time I see her, I want to ask her ‘why are you so mad?’


What happened to make her so mad? What in her past history set her on the course leading her to the place of anger? Where has she come from to get to this place? Does she even know she is angry? Does she know why she is angry? Is she aware of how she is treating her kids? Does she know how it makes her look to those around her?

These are the questions I ask myself about other people regularly.

I suppose human behavior doesn’t fascinate me as much as what motivates the human behavior.

The motivation.

What motivates us? This is a complex question with diverse and varied answers depending on who you ask and how self-aware they are. Many times we don’t realize or recognize what our motivations are because we don’t take the time to think them through and figure it out. It is much easier to plow through life responding to the stimuli not thinking about why we are acting the way we are.

It is easier and safer.

Knowing the why behind our actions forces us to deal with the why of the why. When we poke around inside our own minds trying to understand why we are so angry, we are going to be forced to deal with the source of the anger. Or ignore after we find it. But, once we know the cause it is harder to ignore than to just unpack it and figure it out.

Ignorance truly is bliss. It’s kinda like Neo in the Matrix, once you go down the rabbit hole, there is no turning back. You can’t un-know what you know. If we never ask the question of why or search for the answers we will never have to confront the root cause.

I am fascinated by what motivates us to act the way we do.

I love trying to get inside your mind.

Why don’t you lay down on the couch and let’s chat for a bit.

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