Last week Ronda challenged me to think of an activity, act, or something I could do everyday for the next month to increase my level of happiness. (Apparently, I don’t portray an overly happy person.) I immediately told her I knew what I was going to do – complain about everything, daily.
She politely informed me I was missing the point.
It caused me to think about what brings me joy, happiness. My next thought was writing. I don’t we’re much anymore. Years ago, it was catharthis and helped me through a dark time. Those words were compelling. That connected with people at their core. I haven’t found the words to connect with people in the same way. Ronda encouraged me that I do have the words, I just need to find them. Starting my career over at 39, hitting 40 and struggling with that, being a dad of 3 boys, and the constant inner dialogue of realization I don’t really measure up to anyone’s standards.
The next thing I thought of was running. I love running. Or, at least I did until I ran a marathon a few years ago. There’s an ache in my heart for running. I want to recover that.
So here’s what I’m going to do. I’m committing (to myself more than anyone else) to run everyday in February and to write some words daily. Day 1 was a lackluster start. I ran 0.6 miles thanks to a needy 7 year old. I wrote… just wrote some family assessments for work and not anything personal. Today is Day 2 and it is off to a much better start. I’m writing this 1.74 miles into today’s run.
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As I prepare to embark on this journey, I recall the whispered words in Celldweller’s song Fadeaway – ‘don’t beat on me, I’m nothing’. I fear I will let us all down (well really only me, because your expectations were much lower than mine).
Here’s to victory or failure, which road I may be on.