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***This is an old post, that honestly I’ve posted several times… this morning it just seemed to speak to me.***

As I was running tonite I was afforded the occasion to listen to some of kLaNk’s music. It has been a little while since kLaNk has put out an album. They had one in the last year, but it was only ok. I was listening to the Numb album, their sophomore effort. As I was listening to two songs in particular, I was reminded of my relationship with Jesus. The first songs was Dfl:

I’ll prove to you that I’m a man
With my blood I’ll take a stand
I welcome you with open arms
Have no fear I mean no harm
I know the weight of pain inside
Sometimes the only thing
That’s keeping me alive
I got what it takes to make it through
I want you to know I’m down with you
Gotta drill it in your mind
Friends like me you’ll never find
Words that cut deep like a knife
Just like brothers….Down For Life
I’ll prove to you that I’m a man
With my blood I’ll take a Stand
I welcome you with open arms
Have no fear I mean no harm
I know the weight of pain inside
Sometimes the only thing
That’s keeping me alive
I got what it takes to make it through
I want you to know I’m down with you
Gotta drill it in your mind
Friends like me you’ll never find
Words that cut deep like a knife
Just like brothers….Down For Life
Down…For…Life…I’m down

I finished the Which Jesus? book earlier this week. As I neared the end, Campolo relayed a story of a well-known pastor whose son had died. At the funeral the orator stated that this was God’s will for him to have died. The pastor immediately objected pointing out that Jesus was the first to cry at his son’s death. He reminded us that at some points in our lives, the only comfort we are going to have is knowing that Christ weeps as well. I have felt that way over the last few years. As my mind has been clouded, I have been angry at God often, but as I read those words from Campolo it was very comforting and encouraging to realize that Jesus is crying too. The shortest, and maybe most profound, verse in the Scriptures is in John, “Jesus wept.” Knowing that when my life is hard for me makes Jesus weep, makes it easier to get up each day. In the kLaNk song the lines: I welcome you with open arms; I know the weight of pain inside; I got what it takes to make it through; I want you to know I’m down with you; Friends like me you’ll never find; Just like brothers…

I was also listening to God?:
Tonight’s another night
I wonder aimlessly
To put it all in place
A picture I don’t see
And when I close my eyes
I don’t care if I wake
I use the same excuses
I make the same mistakes
Sometimes it seems so hard
Like you’re ignoring me
I wonder if you do exist
Than what you mean to me
Sometimes I think you hate me
Sometimes I think you hate me
Is this some kind of test
Or a way to make me see
There has to be a reason
Why it’s happening to me
How much more to cry
Until I have a clue
The emptiness I’m feeling
Does it come down to you
Show me everything
And tell me what to feel
My eyes have been so jaded
That I don’t know what is real

Sometimes I think you hate me
Sometimes I think you hate me

As I listened to this song, I realized why God is not afraid of my fears and doubts… he has felt them. Hebrews tells us that our High Priest (Jesus… theology for another time) knows what it is to be like us in every way. I thought of the cross. When Jesus was on the cross he took on the sin of the world and the world was covered in darkness and God hid his face from his only son. Jesus knows what it is like to feel as though God hates him. He has felt as though God left him alone and was not there for him. Hebrews also tells us that God will NEVER leave us or forsake us. I appreciate Rick Warren who points out that it often FEELS like God has left us. And as Ortberg says, in his God is Closer Than You Think book, God is only a reach of the hand away.

I don’t know if kLaNk intended this album to have the spiritual and theological ramifications that it does, but I have been able to apply them for me. In many ways, I believe this album to be the best effort that kLaNk put out.

As I was running I was reminded of the how and when that I became interested in kLaNk and Circle of Dust, who later became Celldweller. I was at ACC and Skip introduced me to Circle of Dust. Another dude, Roy, clued me into kLaNk and then Reese fueled the fire. I actually saw kLaNk in concert many years ago. From there came the interest in Argyle Park. My interest in this music is really more of an obsession than mere interest. I was surprised to think that I have been a big fan of both of these bands since 1996.

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