One of biggest fears is that I have or will fail as a dad. I constantly struggle with whether I am a good dad or have been one in the past. It seems like everytime the boys have behaviors issues, I blame myself as the reason for their bad behavior. I feel personally responsible. Like I didn’t/haven’t parented them well or I haven’t read the bible to them enough or we don’t pray together enough. And when all they think about is themselves I wider if I haven’t taught them enough about who God is and he asks us to put others first.
These last couple of days, I feel like the boys have really been pushing their limits… or should I say, my limits. I realize it is the summer and so far our schedule has been crazy, but it seems like they are really pushing the limit. Noah is 7 now, which puts him at the ‘I’m not a little kid anymore, but not really a big kid yet’ stage and it is hard. He wants to be so much bigger than he is. He is so smart and active and compassionate and understanding yet he still ha the self-centered mindset of a child. He can only think of himself and the here and now.
This is where I am right now. Constantly questioning myself as a parent. Always wondering what I’m doing wrong. Always second-guessing, wondering how to be a better dad.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a dad and it is my greatest joy. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. But I’m not always sure I do it right.
God, I ask you to equip me with the skills, wisdom, peace & patience to be a spirit-filled dad.