(C) by www.martin-liebermann.de
We’ve all had it happen to us. Our spouses, mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, grandparents, uncles, boyfriend/girlfriend, best friend, roommate or landlord has done it to us. They’ve given us an
A get this fixed or our relationship is seriously going to be affected.
The stakes are different for each of us. No matter the stakes, they are high.
With our friends, it may be the future of our friendship. With BFFs, it could be the balance of te universe shifting because we no longer have someone to share every moment of life with. With relatives, it may be a chane to attend family gatherings or it may even be the familial bond and relationship on the line. With spouses, it’s the highest.
Often in life our attitude and demeanor slowly change. It’s not a drastic change, but a slow insidious one that take time to infect every aspect of our lives. Slowly, the way breathe, think and eat changes to something else. We become someone else… At least within the context of the dynamics of that particular relationship. We no longer respond with love. We no longer respond thinking the best. We now have become oppositional, defiant, defensive and repulsive.
And it changes everything.
So finally, our loved ones get tired of it. They love us, have to begin thinking of their own good. Their own mental, emotional and spiritual stability. So enter stage left the
What do we do now?
As I see it we have two choices:
1. Do nothing and let the chips fall where they may and have our lives and relationships destruct around us. This is a choice of non-action in reality. We are choosing to change nothing, to not do the hard work of saving our relationships. This at its core is a selfish choice. It serves us the most. True, life may be hard for a short time after we lose the treasured relationship, but we haven’t had to work anything out. That’s what makes this the easy, cowardly way out. We don’t have to do anything except do nothing and let our relationships disintegrate.
2. That leaves us with choice number two which entails dealing with that hard garbage. We have to move outside of ourselves and think of someone else and make changes. Hard changes. Difficult changes. Uncomfortable ones. Changes that hurt. Changes that cause pain in our own disjointed, screwed up self-centered reality where we allowed ourselves to become the center of our own universe. Changes that puts others back at the forefront of our lives. We were built, designed with a self-less aspect to us. We were created as image-bearers of God. I think two aspects of that are the communal aspect of our lives. We are community based and focused. We need others around us. The second aspect is in our selflessness. We were designed to think of others first, as Christ did. But that hurts. It is much easier to live with ourselves at the center. When we get this ULTIMATUM we have to decide are we going to continue to sit at the center of our universe or not. Removing ourselves from that place hurts. It hurts like ripping off a leech that is dug in and sucking. Or yanking out a tick that is getting fat of our blood. It hurts.
Good question. Why should we suffer the pain and indignity of change? Because life is better that way. When we sacrifice ourselves and put others first, serve others, look to God first, make him the center life feels more complete. This is not to say that it is going to be easy without hardship. The exact opposite. This isn’t to say it won’t be painful. The opposite. If we don’t change at some point nothing will ever change. What do I mean by that? I mean if we let this relationship self-destruct and we move on to the next one, everything will be good for awhile… until we get the next ULTIMATUM.
Let this one fall victim to the destructive lifestyle we have chosen? Allow this relationship to become yet another burning hulk of destroyed, damaged and jacked up people we know?
At some point we have to decide things are going to change, things are going to be different. Let me rephrase that, WE are going to change, WE are going to be different. And after we make that decision for change, we commit to it, we throw ourselves all in, we begin to furiously work to alter our lives to be something else we have to stay the course.
I like the word furiously. It denotes that we are approaching this change with every ounce of effort we can muster. We are holding nothing back to assist us in the change.
Are you ready to do that?
Are you ready make a change?
Or are you ready to let things be the way they have always been?
If you let things stay the same, then life will continue to be a downward spiral of never-ending destruction of relationships.
As for me, when I get to the Daikini Crossroads I am furiously changing.