I can associate with Paul when he says he feels as though he is the chief of sinners. I feel like I’m constantly letting God down. I struggle daily with guilt of past mistakes, failures. My greatest fear is that my instability mentally/emotionally has warped or harmed my kids. I told Ronda the other week I wake up each knowing two things will happen that day: 1. I will look at each of my boys and her at least once and be reminded of how lucky I am and how much I love them. 2. I will feel guilty for past failures.
I have never taken notice of the follow up verse here, Paul may be the chief sinner but he is extended mercy as an example to others. Kinda like a, ‘if I can save this guy I can save anyone’ from God. Right at this moment that brings me comfort because it makes me feel the same way. If God can redeem my mess of a life, then he can redeem anyone. Not to mention the fact he saved and used Paul too.
Paul and I may be chief sinners but we are also chief examples of God’s mercy.