I went to Bible college and as one might guess, I expected to spend my professional life in located, vocational ministry. Little did I know this path would be a tenuous one fraught with struggles. This affair has been one where I have been the whore, the one who has walked away.
I have spent my whole life struggling with the concept of whether we are called to a specific job/purpose or if we have liberties in what we do with our lives so long as we serve God with our lives. I spent much of my life living a soft-core Calvinism desperately worried that I was missing out on my calling. Then I spent years where I did whatever thinking that God was with me and I didn’t need to worry too much with the time and place that I was, but only to let God do his thing.
Here is what I know now: I have had an affair with ministry. For me ministry is my first love career-wise. I have done many other things in my life and all of them point me back to this as being the one thing that brings me the full enjoyment and fulfillment I feel God wants us to have.
There have been times that I have allowed outside pressures and fears to lead me away from that calling on my life. I have been afraid and weak and lost sight of my first love.
God has always left a nagging incompleteness to residing in the back of my mind when it comes to this. There is no other place I want to be.
As I prepare for my upcoming move, I have realized that it is possible for me to engage in FT ministry without having to be employed at a church. You may think this is in contradiction to what I just said… and it is, what can I say I’m dichotomous. When you buy into a ministry and purpose of a church you can give yourself over to it unabashedly, even if that means you have to sacrifice along the way.
While I feel this calling for ministry, I also feel a calling for counseling. I am very close to completing a Master’s with a focus on Mental Health Counseling. I started this program not really sure why… but over the last few years it has become apparent to me that God intends to use me in this field as well. I have had some unique struggles that equip me for this.
What I have set before me is to find a way to synthesize the two callings. The possibilities are limitless and I have many ideas to make this a reality.
Have you surrendered yourself to the calling that God has given to you? Are you buying into ministry that is available to you without holding back?