As I finished up my run Monday night in the frigid Florida cold (read about that here) Celldweller’s Birthright came up on the ipod playlist. I first became acquainted with this song a couple years ago when I was running tons more. The tagline is, it’s time to take ahold of what belongs to Me’ always stuck with me. Over the years that has meat various things to me. Now it has a singular and poignant meaning to me.
When I first heard the song I was desperately trying to re-enter the world of FT ministry as a profession. Being in ministry is what it meant to me. Ministry was what belonged to me and I was ready to take it back.
A few years ago I had a mental breakdown, little did I know that was to be the trend for pastors… almost a right of passage. To say that my break with reality was because of ministry or not-ministry is much to simplistic and it would take way more time than we have here for me to go into the intricacies of my breakdown. It was while I lived in Central Florida this breakdown occurred.
It was during this time that I fell in love with running and came to realize the therapy of running. I spent many hours and late nights running, mulling over in my head what I wanted to get out of my life and how to do it.
In a couple of weeks we are moving to central Florida back into the very place where reality began to slip away from me. I am scared and have many feelings of trepidation regarding this. But God is not scared. I believe that moving back to O-Town is happening exactly when God wants to happen and how God wants it to happen. Now it has a singular and poignant meaning to me. God wants me vulnerable and weak in order to use me. Let me explain:
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me.8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me.9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.“
2 Corinthians 12:7b-9
You see, it is in my weakness God’s strength is made complete. God is orchestrating a move back to where my life unraveled in order him to use me to do incredible things. God is not scared and doesn’t have feelings of trepidation, because when I am weak he is made strong. When I am broken he is complete. God uses the moments that we feel the weakest to do his greatest work. In spite of or maybe because of my weakness God is using me. God is using me as my own agent of reconciliation to myself but he is also using me to bring the gospel to people who need to hear it, people who have struggled just like me. People who are broken just like me.
God does not use back up plans, he using the plans that he planned all along and we thought we monkey-wrenched. If I can thwart the efforts of God, how big is he?
God wants to use us in our brokenness, so there can be no confusion as to who gets the credit for the work done. Am I scared to return to O-Town? Yes! Am I excited? More than I can exclaim because God is big and awesome and working his ‘magic’ as only he can. I have a new lease on life (not really, this lease isn’t up yet, but my point is I’m excited for the undiscovered country ahead).
There is no need to fear the unknown and the plans that God has for us.
If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31
God is not a God who can be overcome by this world or by the prince of this world. God is the God of the undiscovered country ahead. It is in the times that trusting God is the hardest that we must do it the most. Without trust in God we can’t allow him to work out his plan.
I follow Perry Noble on Twitter and I read this of his blog (found here): Now…I’m a firm believer in what the Scriptures teach in Acts 17:26-27, that NOTHING that happens on the planet is by accident…there is no such thing as luck or coincidence. If Perry is correct in his thinking, which would not be out of the question, then there is a reason for us to be moving to O-Town at this time in our lives. What could that reason be? To use me in spite of my weakness, to use me in spite of my brokenness, to use me in spite of my fear. To make his power complete in my weakness.
Are you letting God use your weakness to make his power complete?