I heard a sermon recently by a pastor who had recently returned from a mission trip to Honduras. He said that one of the things that struck him about the church they visited down there was the loudness of their worship service and he began to wonder why the service back at the home church wasn’t as loud. He postulated that one of the reasons was that we are concerned with what other people think about the expression of worship we are expressing. He also thought about that maybe we don’t know what it is like to have to rely on God for every need in the same way that the Christians in Honduras have to. This hit me for a few reasons. I think that there is a lot of truth to that. I began to consider myself and think about what motivates me to worship the way I do or don’t. It occurred to me that I have lost some of that sense of urgency in my life. I have forgotten what it means to rely on God desperately and intimately. I have adopted my culture’s attitude of being able to do it on my own without God, that it is easy to forget or to choose not to rely on him. Maybe this can be another aspect of being in his diary.  Am I trusting him with everything that I have in order to allow him to care for me? I think that I where this whole possibility of Gainesville (at the time we were considering moving to gville, remember that these were written some time ago) is coming into play. If I allow God to work it out, then whatever happens, we will be ok. I have to confess, to be able to live out this aspect of his diary… I’m going to need to pray and read the Bible a little more than my habits reflect me doing now. Right now, I’m not sure I can accurately gauge his will for me, as I am not walking close enough right now. It is hard when things are not going my way… Or anywhere near my way. Ever since we moved back down here very little has worked out the way we planned for me. I just need to trust more and allow God to be God.

***The end of this story is that if we fast forward to years later (that would be today) having trusted and waited on God has led me to a place in my life that can only be described as phenomenal.  This is the best place that we could have ended up.  It has been quite the journey on the way, but I can now see how trusting God and allowing him to guide me through the dark times was the only thing that got me through.  Trusting God is hard.  The better you know him and the closer you are to him the easier it is going to be, but it is still a challenge.  That’s why Jesus told us that we were going to need to daily take up our crosses with him… it isn’t easy… but it is possible.***

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