It has come to my attention, that I have a problem or two with God. And because of those problems, I find it hard to allow him the control that needs in my life.

I have determined that I am a better judge of the good for my life. I know better. For instance, it would have been better for me not to go for many months without a job. Not only that, but why has he taken away from me the only jobs that I have loved? Which leads me to the second problem: why is God against me? True bad things happen. But my share seems to heavy.

These are the questions that have stifled my relationship with God over the last 3 years. I though that I was making strides to not feel this way, but I realize in some ways I’m no closer now than I was.

I still live in the future or the past and not in the present. I am consumed with what can be or should have been that I can’t think about what IS. I still harbor a great deal of anger that I think is fundamentally aimed at God for his poor job of being God. Obviously, I recognize the incredulity of those words. God could no more be a bad God than I could be a dog. It just isn’t possible. Why have I let me anger distance me? Why have I not been content, which may be the real center of all this…

… I have learned to be content no matter my circumstances… Not that I have already attained it, but forgetting what is behind I press on towards the prize…

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